I’m always thinking about how I can be better. Lately my food choices haven’t been the best because I haven’t been cooking from home, and I know if I do make my own meals, I am completely in charge of the ingredients I consume.
When I became an ‘official adult’ and moved out of home and away from financial reliance from my parents, I was a little chubby and I had very low self confidence. I thought I was fat and I also was convinced my chubbiness is what was stopping me from finding true love.
I embarked on a weight loss journey and joined Weight Watchers and in 10 weeks I lost 10 kilos and was feeling amazing. The new routines I had established were teaching me how to manage my consumption and my new active lifestyle of riding my pushbike most days really started changing my overall fitness. I could see the changes mainly in the team sports I played each week: Netball & Basketball and I was loving my new energy. I had also stopped drinking during this time to really focus on the weight loss.
I started thinking that the less I ate, the better but because I was ‘always hungry’ this wouldn’t last long and I often would use all of my allocated points by the end of each week in the Weight Watchers program and still see results, so I wasn’t too concerned about pursuing eating less.
Not long after I was into the groove with feeling proud of my commitment to losing weight, I went out with my friends drinking and met a guy. We started dating when I went out again the next weekend and he was there again!
During my first serious relationship I found my brain becoming consumed with wanting to do anything and everything to make him happy. We would arrange romantic dinners and have unhealthy foods and I would stay up late with him and I stopped sticking to my regular exercise routine to spend more time with him.
Soon I had gained some of the weight back, and my confidence started deteriorating. I knew I was in love with my boyfriend but he would make comments about my weight gain and it hurt me to the core. I just wanted him to love me for me.
Growing up I didn’t feel like I was good enough in my peer group because I was always the ‘bigger’ friend and I would watch my slimmer friends go through several boyfriends and get the majority of their attention from the boys I wished would like me.
What I didn’t realise is the problem was the I didn’t love Me for me! This took many years to realise and once I did it changed everything and no one ever has that power to influence my opinion about myself, no matter how much I love them! (I created the #ichooseme T-Shirts to remind us all about this!! @bestee.au on Instagram)
when we are seeking external validation from anyone for anything, we are placing our happiness in their hands. The only person in charge of our happiness is ourselves so when we do this, we are bound to continue to be disappointed and not reach our full potential.
When you meet someone new that you have interest in, do you adjust to try and make them like you? Or do you wonder if they are good enough for you and be yourself and see if your energies match?
As much as it can be great receiving external validation from others, if we don’t give it to ourselves, no amount of external validation will ever fulfil us and make us happy. We need to go within and accept ourselves for all of our flaws and amazing traits. If we can accept a partner for everything that they are, we can do the same for ourselves. If you cannot do that for yourself, or you ‘hate’ yourself, I highly recommend venturing into learning how to heal your pain with some amazing books such as ‘You can heal Your Life’ by Louise Hay and ‘The Secret’ or ‘The power’ by Rhonda Byrne that delve into our mindset and teach us how to change our perception of ‘why things happen to us.’
Much love xx
Brooke
